Elected Servants of the People
ON May Day, I telephoned a friend. It was to be a local call but I got the New Delhi -Islamabad Hot Line instead. Just imagine! No security, no privacy for the Indian and Pakistani prime ministers. This is going to be good, I told myself and held my breath.
" May Day! May Day! Can you hear me, Nawaz Sharif Sahib? Arey baba this is Vajpayee here. "
" I can hear you loud and clear, Vajpayee Sahib. Why this distress call so early in the morning? I hope everything is all right at your end ."
"Arey baba . That's the trouble. You beefeaters are not too quick on the uptake, are you? Baba I am in trouble. That's why I am calling you. I need to consult with you on a matter of great personal concern to me in particular and to the people of India in general. Are you listening? "
" I am all ears, Vajpayee Sahib. I am at your service. Hukum Kijieay . "
" Baba this is no hukum . This is a guzarish . It is like this, you see. We have the janata here and you have the awam there. You are lucky. You have the heaviest mandate in your country's history but I have a wafer thin majority, and that lady in the south is becoming increasingly difficult. The moment she withdraws her support to my coalition government , I am gone. Done in. K aput ! "
" One would have thought that tight-rope walking was an honourable Indian art and that you were a past master at it. "
" Sharif Sahib, I hope you won't mind if I call you a beef head. Of course, I have done some tightrope walking in my time but right now, I have no rope. So what do I do? Walk on thin air? "
" The air is rather heavy in Delhi , what with pollution and all but even so, walk on the Delhi air might be a hazardous exercise at your age. "
"Arey baba , don't waste my time. Tell me what to do " ?
" In what respect? "
" You just tell how to get the janata off my back. You Pakistanis have been pretty good at dealing with your awam . "
" Ah, here comes my information minister. I am sure you have heard of Mushahid Husain . He is pretty good at such things. Hold on a minute, please. "
There was a pause; a brief pause and then I heard Mr. Nawaz Sharif again.
" Hello, hello, Vajpayee Sahib, are you there? "
" Yes, yes, yes. What does your information minister suggest? Come on, I am pressed for time. "
" I told you this young man is brilliant and what's more, he is suitably ambitious. He has come up with a 64-million-dollar solution. Hold your breath, Vajpayee Sahib. He says that you should test a few nuclear devices and the janata will eat out of your hands even if you have only empty promises on your palms. The janata will kiss your feet and millions of joyous Indians will sing Vajpayee ki Jay, Vajpayee ki jay !"
" That's not a bad idea; but you see, it takes time to organize nuclear tests. "
" Vajpayee Sahib, time is running out on you. Do it as soon as you can. Take ten days at the most and on the eleventh, bang, bang, bang! "
" I'll take the plunge. And listen; if I don't call you by the ninth, the tests are on. And please thank your information minister on my behalf. Bye for now. "
You all know what happened on May 11-13. On May 15, I again got onto the India -Pakistan Hot Line. This time, Mr. Nawaz Sharif was calling Mr. Vajpayee .
" Hello, Vajpayee Sahib? "
"Arey bhai it is you, Nawaz Sharif Sahib. Bhai thank you very much. I really am grateful. That nuclear thing was wonderful, just wonderful. I can't be sufficiently grateful to you. The janata here is simply delirious. I am sending you some sweets. "
" Thank you, Vajpayee Sahib, but I have a problem, a big problem. "
" Can I be of any help? "
" I am afraid not. The awam here are after my blood. They want a tit-for-tat thing ."
" That's bad news. If you do that, the euphoria here will evaporate, and soon it will be as if I had never ordered the Pokhran thing. Arey bhai Nawaz Sahib don't do that. For my sake please. You see, I am a poet . I'll send you a beautiful poem on the need for peace between our two peoples. We are brotherly people. "
" But Vajpayee Saab, the awam here are burning my effigies, and they are calling me names. The situation is getting more and more desperate. "
" You see, Lal Krishan Advani, Murli Manohar Joshi, and George Fernandez will be very annoyed, and I have to keep them happy. "
" Don't worry about them. I'll send the three of them some of the choicest managers in Pakistan . " And by the way, Vajpayee Saab, now that your country has had its tests, what will you give your people? "
" Don't ask me difficult questions. But between you and me, I have precious little to offer them. And, by the some token if you go ahead with your nuclear tests, what will you give your people?
" The same as you, Vajpayee Saab. After nuclear tests, I'II tell the people another yarn. Some yarn. My information minister is pretty good at that sort of thing, you know ."
" You are lucky in that respect. Well, Nawaz Saab carry out your nuclear tests if you must, but do please put in at least two weeks between your tests and mine. "
"Shukria , Vajpayee Saab. That can be easily arranged. Actually, this delay will help; because you see, in two weeks time, Qazi Husain Ahmad, Benazir Bhutto , and the others will have whipped up enough mass frenzy to enable me to tell my friends abroad I did it because my people were after gunning for me. With some luck, I think even Clinton Saab will take a lenient view of the matter. "
"Chalin, aisa kar lein , Nawaz Saab. Lekin dill khush nahin hooa."
"Kya karoon Saab? Majboori heh . Democratically elected leaders like you and me are answerable to the people, aren't they? "
"That's the problem, Nawaz Saab. Accha, doston ko mera salaam dijiey ga. Namaskar . "
All of which goes to prove that both Mr. Vajpayee and Mr. Nawaz Sharif are loyal, elected servants of their peoples.
Sunday , July 5, 1998
