A Dollar for a Dream

I WAS taking a walk in the park a few days before the World Cup  began. I had taken just a few paces when my foot hit against something metallic. A cloud of smoke spiralled upward and there was a loud report. A huge genie, twenty times the size of Joel Garner , emerged from the smoke.

          "I am at thy command, master. Order and I shall obey," said the genie in a surprisingly gentle voice.

          I picked up the lamp, put it in my pocket, and told him: "First of all, assume human shape and cut yourself down to my size so that I can look you in the eye. I cannot look up at you 160 feet high in space. I'II strain my neck."

          In the twinkling of an eye, the genie became as short as I am, and I looked at his eyes, which were gentler than those of a doe.

"I am at your service, master," he said.

          "Do you know the World Cup  is beginning in a few days time?" I asked him.

          "The whole world knows that, master."

"Well, then, I want to manipulate the results with your help."

"In what way, master?" asked the genie.

"All results will be exactly as I wish them to be. Every batsman will make as many runs as I want him to make and every bowler will take as many wickets as I want him to take. Every wicket keeper will take as many catches and do as many stumpings as I want. Every fielder will take as many catches as I want him to take and there will be as many run outs as I want. The team totals, the number of singles, twos, threes, fours, sixes, overthrows, extras--everything shall be decided by me."

          "Thy wish is my command, master," said the genial genie.

"Now, then, the first game is on February 14. You will go to the bookies and let on England . The odds are even. So just put in a little money. No need to be extravagant."

          "Yes, master."

"On February 15, South Africa  play the UAE . The odds there are a thousand to one against the UAE. So you will put a million on the UAE and make them win. We'll make a thousand million."

          "Yes, master."

"On February 17, make Holland  beat New Zealand . Just take a hundred million. No need to be greedy."

          "Yes, master."

"In the game between India  and Kenya , let Kenya win. Make another hundred million. And remember each time you go to the bookies, go as a different person. Sometimes like an Arab and as a Kenyan or Indian  or a South African at others, but never as a Pakistani ."

          "Yes master."

I gave the genie my betting programme in full. The final was to be between Kenya  and Holland . My takings were to be of the order $100,000 billion.

When the genie had heard me out, he bowed respectfully and keeping his eyes on the ground, said: "I can arrange a Holland  Kenya  final but I cannot make the money you want."

          "Why? Am I not your master and are you not expected to carry out my orders?" I asked angrily.

          "It is true O master. Your wish is my command in all matters except one. You see master; I am a genie, not a gambler. The code of genie ethics forbids that I gamble. In fact, no genie can. Only human beings can."

          I was crestfallen but what could I do? I had my genie but he turned out to be honest. Could there be harder luck than that? Life  is like that but life should not be like that, dash it!

          Anyhow, the genie did arrange a Holland -Kenya  final but I never got a penny out of it. India  and Pakistan  never made it to the semi-final even. The first semi-final was between the UAE  and Holland, which the latter won, and the second was between Zimbabwe  and Kenya, which the former lost.

          At the final in Lahore , there were 729 spectators and 21,469 policemen and Rangers. You see, we Pakistanis are not interested in cricket if our side is not playing. Be Pakistani ; see Pakistani is the rule of the game we play.

          I was one of the 729 spectators and when the game ended (it was won by Kenya ) I went up to the two captains and told them how I had manipulated the tournament. They looked at me indulgently. One of them said to the other, "Looks like a beggar, the way he is dressed." He agreed and both of them gave me 50 cents (U.S. ) each.

          When I woke up, I told my wife how I had contrived a Kenyan victory in the Cup final.

          "A Kenyan victory? Are you crazy? Do you think it is the morning after March 17? It's Friday, March 1. Let me get you some tea after which you must get up, take a walk and a bath which you haven't taken for all of two months now."

          When my wife went for the tea, I turned the pillow because I wanted the cooler side. Would you believe it? Found two 50-cent (U.S. ) pieces there! A dollar for a dream, I said and cried.

          Presently my wife returned with the tea. She made one cup for me and one for herself and settled down.

          "The papers haven't arrived yet. Do you know what happened in the Pakistan -South Africa  match? I was out all day and could not watch it on TV. Who won?" asked my wife.

           "Woman! I am a journalist and journalists are not supposed to know such things."

Friday, March 1, 1996