Great Leader , Great Party

THE GREAT leader the Great Party  was here in Lahore  earlier this month, and needless to say, was in great public and private demand.

          Now, a small leader of the Great Party  hosted a dinner in the honour of the Great Leader  on a steaming night. Steaming as only August nights in Lahore  can be. Present at the dinner were the legislative glitterati, past and present, of the Great Party.

          In a state of expensive after-dinner well being, the Great Leader  gave priceless advice to the fawning assemblage. I was not there myself but I am family man, and I've got brothers around. These brothers of mine attend all political functions, marriages, and deaths and report back to me dutifully and truthfully. I have never yet been let down by these brothers.

          One of these inestimable brothers-who gate-crashes if he is not invited-was present at this memorable dinner that I speak of. I want you to share with me today the account of the dinner that he gave me.    

        The Great Leader  said, more or less:

You are members of the Great Party . Our workers are willing to do and die, but you do not fully exploit them. To that extent you are shirkers and malingerers.

    You should manufacture rumours and ask them (the workers) to spread them throughout the city. Clearly, the Great Leader  wanted small leaders of the Great Party  to destabilise the Government of the day through rumours. A very democratic way of functioning, indeed. As you know, the Constitution, notwithstanding anything contained in Amendments VIII and XII, guarantees the freedom of expression, rumours included.

    There are others, though, who think that creating disaffection by word of mouth or by writing or by any other means is unlawful. However, I think they are wrong. Anything goes in democracy, deceit included.

Then the Great Leader  said that all small leaders and workers of the Great Party  should repeat verbatim and like parrots the nuggets of wisdom uttered (by the Great Leader). This means that the Great Leader alone has the right to think and that all small leaders and workers must surrender their own right to think to the Great leader. Again, a very democratic modus operandi .

        The Great Leader  said,

"Many people partook of our largesse (when we were in power), but they don't contribute to party funds. To one such person, we gave a textile mill but when we asked him to give some money to the party, he said it should be the party which should assist him because he had to repay the loan my Government had given him."

          Now, if you think that the gentleman in question was given bank credit without proper collateral, you must be against the Great Leader  and the Great Party .

          Returning to politics in the rural areas, the Great Leader  said that it was impossible to operate in the villages without money. "When one time-server leaves, we invest in another self-seeker. That's the only way." One is glad to learn that the Great Party , so ably led by the Great Leader, does not require money to operate in the cities.

          The Great Leader  bemoaned the fact that Ministers of the Great Party  had done nothing for deserving party workers. "One has to go to jail, face litigation, and suffer otherwise (but that does not entitle one to out of turn benefits). Merit alone should have been the consideration." Very true, but rather late in the day, don't you think?

          How I wish we had a people's party in the country.

* * * * *

A FRIEND asked me the other day what I thought of Mrs. Benazir Bhutto  and Mr. Nawaz Sharif .

          Both of them were nice, young people, easy to look at and to listen to when they were not campaigning against each other.

          "But which one of them do you prefer?" my friend insisted.

"Hobson 's choice," I told him.

          "Come on, now."

"Well, I have often wondered why the two of them are not on the same side of the fence. As I told you some time ago, the People's Party today is no more than the PML  (Benazir Group), and Mr. Nawaz Sharif  would be no worse off than he is today was he to rename the PML as the PPP  (Nawaz Sharif Group)."

          "No, no, no. You are being simplistic. The PPP  and PML  are two different parties with different, often violently different, views on men and matter," my friend wanted to prolong my column.

          "The PPP  and PML  were two different parties until 1977. In that year, they merged with the PML without telling you and me. It really was simple. Parties do not have an existence independent of their members. Men and women make parties and not vice-versa. In 1977, Mr. Bhutto  turned the PPP into the Muslim  League without renaming it. He did so by awarding party tickets to the self same waderas he had routed in 1970 by fielding lamp-posts against them," I pontificated.

          "Let's not go too far back in history. Mrs. Bhutto  and Nawaz Sharif  are two different people."

          "Different and yet the same."

"How?"

          "Because they have the same legislators. Let me tell you a story here. A certain gentleman (and he is not the only one) in the Punjab  was an MPA when the PPP  was in power. But the poor chap had to sit in Opposition because there was IJI  Government in the Punjab. Today, he is an IJI MNA. This has gone on ever since the British  introduced the parliament form of government  in India . It is like buying shares in the stock market. Sometimes you make money sometimes you do not. But the speculators are basically the same."

          "I don't think you think too highly of politicians and politics. I think you are not a political person at all."

          "That I most certainly am not because I have to make a living. All praise is due to Allah ."

          "You think politicians don't have to make a living?"

"I am not saying anything. I respect the law of libel. Go ask the politicians. I can't say things on their behalf."

          "All right, for one last time and for old time's sake, who would you rather have Benazir or Nawaz Sharif ?"

          "You are a pest, aren't you? Both. At the same time and in the same government  of national consensus."

          "Why?

"Because both want power. Let them share power and leave me in peace. I had enough of the two of them on August 14. And I want the newspapers to close on Thursdays so that I can offer my Friday prayers in peace."

          Right at this moment, the muazzin at the mosque next door came to my rescue " . . . there is no god but Allah  . . ." he said, and brought the argument to a close.

Friday, August 23, 1991